Am I being selfish for wanting a 'real' wedding?

I think your feelings are valid because every woman wants to have a "real" wedding. What I would be concerning about is that he is not respecting you when he is out spending money, when he is supposed to be saving. I don't think that he really wants a wedding and you should stand your ground and tell him that this wedding is really important to you and he should be doing his best to help you plan it, even if he is in Iraq.