What about if we found out that we were all descended from slime?

Yes athiests did, but Christians have a Supernatural Spirit Being who created us. We were trying to keep it a secret so you wouldn't "feel" so inferior but actually the way it goes is you slithered out of a Baboons slithered under a pile of dino dung then after you incubated for a few hundred of years you sprouted eyes, hands, and feet as well as a tail. Then you slithered into the pond and the slime adopted you because it knew something so hideous couldn't possibly survive on it's own. So you were step-brothers and step-sisters of the slime and it fed you until you lost your tail and grew arms and legs. Then you looked even more hideous and the slime couldn't stand to look at you anymore and chased you onto dry land. Well after having with Christians that accidentally drank to much communion wine and ped out, you started to evolve more into a better looking being. The really only difference now is that your species still excretes a hideous stench similar to that of your real creators the hog-snout Baboon. Okay there it is out in the open! Do you feel excited now?