I have had the IUD for 3yrs I love it I haven't had a period in 3 yrs life has been great!!!?

I am 35 begging my husband to get a Vasectomy he is hell bent againt it. The last 2 months I have gained weight, but not on the scale my tummy is bigger none of my clothes fit me. I am so tierd. I have even felt sick at my stomach. A couple weeks ago my were tender. The hate the fact of having another baby I know that sounds mean, but I love my family the way it is. I have a 6 yr old son, and 3 yr old daughter the American Dream if you ask me. I refuse to take a test because I'm too scared to find out I want it to go away. I have arthritis and a bad back. I do daycare I have a 4 month old and next month will have a new born I love taking care of them I just don't won't 1 of my own. I am so against abortion, I would never put a child up for adoption. If I am pregnant I am kinda hoping for a miscarriage I feel so bad, and shelfish for saying that It breaks my heart that I say that. I feel like God will punish me for feeling this way or hurt my children because im being selfish.